Hi, I’m Rose, and I wish I could personally know and
fellowship with each one of you who is reading this article so I could give you
a hug, a smile, and an encouraging word.
The printed word will have to suffice, and that is the next best thing!
I have been married to my husband Tim for… let’s see now… thirty-one years I
believe, but when I married him I was just a “regular” girl who had no idea I
would be married to a pastor! Don’t get me wrong, going into full time ministry
was a joint decision and I showed my full support by cleaning houses and living
in poverty all through seminary, but after seminary I wasn’t sure how to fill
the role of “pastor’s wife”, especially because I did not grow up in a churched
home. I have learned a few lessons from
the school of “hard knocks” and from the best teachers, God’s Word and the Holy
Spirit, which I want to share with you today.
My first lesson is that our home should be a light to the
world around us. Acts
13:47:
For this is what the Lord has commanded us: “‘I have made you a light for the Gentiles, that you may bring
salvation to the ends of the earth.’” We have always made our
home a place of welcome, warmth, love, and unconditional acceptance. It is
perfectly fine to let people know that we are “regular” people who are saved by
grace, so fight the urge to give the impression of perfection. I have stopped comparing myself to others who
cook and bake and clean much better than I do. God made me with unique
strengths and gifts so I try to use what He gave me to the best of my ability.
Having a welcoming home has enabled us as a family to reach out to hurting
people, lost and lonely youth, and even homeless people. When people come to us with physical needs,
we often end up having exciting opportunities to share the Gospel. In order to be hospitable, I have had to
learn that special food, a fancy table, or fresh baked desserts are not
necessary. A spirit of love, a bucket
of ice cream perhaps, and a comfortable environment are all that are
needed. Of course, having an open home
requires some personal discipline. Just like Murphy said, “If it can happen, it
will happen”; therefore, try to be prepared ahead of time by yielding the habit
of procrastination to the Lord! I will never forget the ONE day I decided to
stay in my jammies a little later in the morning. That was the ONE day that one of the church
trustees came over and wanted to take a look at the parsonage furnace. You can bet that I resolved to be fully
dressed by 8 am from that day forward!
I have also learned that procrastination with housework will usually
result in more stress later when I am scrambling to tidy up because we are
having unexpected company. Keeping up
with some basic, daily chores, five minutes at a time, and teaching the
children to help with regular assigned chores, has enabled me to have the open
home the Lord can use.
Second, and seemingly opposite from lesson one, is to set
and keep appropriate boundaries. My
girls love to tell the story of what happened to them during a time when our
little home mission church was keeping me busy with many needy women who were
newly saved and wanting my “ear”. The
phone rang a lot at my house and as a dutiful pastor’s wife I always jumped to
answer it, often abandoning whatever activity I was doing with my family. During one season I was trying to teach my
five young children that it is rude to interrupt Mom when she is on the phone,
so when seven-year-old Abbie came running in from outside with her typical
outburst of “Mom, Mom!” I calmly and quietly told her that she would have to
wait because Mom was on the phone. When
she interrupted again with “But…”, I reinforced my instruction with a strong
look and an admonition to wait. After my
third visit from Abbie, I finally asked her what the problem was, and I learned
that her younger sister had been hanging upside down by her knees from a tree
branch for quite some time because she was unable to get down. At that point I realized I had my priorities
in the wrong order, said a hurried farewell to my caller, and went out to
rescue poor six-year-old Sarah from what my girls call a “nearly fatal”
fall. Ladies, put your family above your
church needs and set healthy boundaries, while loving your church family and
the world around you with all of your heart.
If you need help, one of the few self-help books I ever recommend reading
is Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. The book compares boundaries to fences, which we put up to keep bad
things out and to keep good things in.
That analogy has strengthened me many times. My husband needs to recharge with times of
quiet and solitude, so there are some days when my door is NOT open and I
graciously explain that we need some quiet time as a family or whatever the
case may be. Obedience can come in the form of the word “No” as well as in the
word “Yes.”
May your home be a place of rest and refreshment, first for
your family, then for the congregation, and finally to the world around you,
balanced by obedience and healthy boundaries.
