What's It Like To Be A Pastor's Kid?
Once in awhile as we have been raising our three sons, I have asked them questions like “What’s it like to be a pastor’s kid? Do you like it?” They have had no complaints, really, and most of the time they have said that they don’t know what it’s like to not be a pastor’s kid!
Are there special precautions we should take in raising pastor’s kids? Should we do anything different than other Christian families?
The common complaint of some pastor’s kids is that they were in the church every time the doors were open. To be honest, yes, my family is at church most every time there is something happening. But I honestly feel it wouldn’t be much different if we weren’t a pastor’s family. In just living a life to honor God, my family would be a vital part of a church family. Where we can take precaution is, in stating why we are going to church tonight. It’s not because we are the pastor’s family. I can think of only a very few occasions where I have told my kids that we need to be there because we are the pastor’s family.
We need to be conscientious of how the attitudes about ‘church’ are formed in the minds of our children. If Dad is at council meeting or visiting, I would often say ‘Dad is working tonight’ instead of ‘Dad is at church tonight’. I didn’t want my kids to see ‘church’ as something that takes their father away from home. Be cautious of telling your children they must behave or dress a certain way because people at church expect them to. Shelter your children from the small or big conflicts that occur in church families. In the times in our ministry where we have had conflicts, our kids have been absolutely clueless that anything is going on.
The part about this that pricks our conscience is that our kids are very likely to have the same attitude about church that we do! Do we talk critically about people and events after church? Do we wake them up Sunday mornings with a joyful attitude, saying ‘This is the day! We get to go to Sunday School today!”
Let your church family become part of your family. At one point when we were contemplating a move that would take us away from our families, a seasoned pastor’s wife told me that God had always provided aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins in their church families. I have found that to be true. Encourage your children to visit after church. Have people into your home. ‘Let people in’ to your daily lives. Let them see that you aren’t perfect or on a pedestal.
Share the blessings of ministry with your children. In ministry, we get a window into people’s hearts and lives that other people don’t get to see. With respect to confidentiality, share those answers to prayer, the changed attitudes and lives, the miraculous provisions and the special conversations with your children. It may plant seeds in their hearts for where God may lead them in the future.
Our oldest left for AFLBS this fall, and we can tell he misses his church family. He asks about it often, and he chose a church in the Minneapolis area ‘because it reminds me of our church’. He didn’t have the choice whether to grow up in a pastor’s family, but hopefully he will see it as a gift from God.
Are there special precautions we should take in raising pastor’s kids? Should we do anything different than other Christian families?
The common complaint of some pastor’s kids is that they were in the church every time the doors were open. To be honest, yes, my family is at church most every time there is something happening. But I honestly feel it wouldn’t be much different if we weren’t a pastor’s family. In just living a life to honor God, my family would be a vital part of a church family. Where we can take precaution is, in stating why we are going to church tonight. It’s not because we are the pastor’s family. I can think of only a very few occasions where I have told my kids that we need to be there because we are the pastor’s family.
We need to be conscientious of how the attitudes about ‘church’ are formed in the minds of our children. If Dad is at council meeting or visiting, I would often say ‘Dad is working tonight’ instead of ‘Dad is at church tonight’. I didn’t want my kids to see ‘church’ as something that takes their father away from home. Be cautious of telling your children they must behave or dress a certain way because people at church expect them to. Shelter your children from the small or big conflicts that occur in church families. In the times in our ministry where we have had conflicts, our kids have been absolutely clueless that anything is going on.
The part about this that pricks our conscience is that our kids are very likely to have the same attitude about church that we do! Do we talk critically about people and events after church? Do we wake them up Sunday mornings with a joyful attitude, saying ‘This is the day! We get to go to Sunday School today!”
Let your church family become part of your family. At one point when we were contemplating a move that would take us away from our families, a seasoned pastor’s wife told me that God had always provided aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins in their church families. I have found that to be true. Encourage your children to visit after church. Have people into your home. ‘Let people in’ to your daily lives. Let them see that you aren’t perfect or on a pedestal.
Share the blessings of ministry with your children. In ministry, we get a window into people’s hearts and lives that other people don’t get to see. With respect to confidentiality, share those answers to prayer, the changed attitudes and lives, the miraculous provisions and the special conversations with your children. It may plant seeds in their hearts for where God may lead them in the future.
Our oldest left for AFLBS this fall, and we can tell he misses his church family. He asks about it often, and he chose a church in the Minneapolis area ‘because it reminds me of our church’. He didn’t have the choice whether to grow up in a pastor’s family, but hopefully he will see it as a gift from God.
